The Eye of the Storm

 They said that nothing would happen. It was okay to feel safe. Even knowing what had taken place the last time, they said it would be okay. We went to bed believing this with little preparation for what was to come. 

Everything had been so calm and beautiful. Never had I felt such feelings of peace and contentment. This was the life I had always wanted, and I was so close to having it all. We were so close to having it all. Whatever home felt like, we finally felt it. We felt peace. And excitement for all of the happiness that would be ours in this life after so much pain and suffering and betrayal. We had finally found a soft place to fall, where we could feel protected, and loved, and secure. We believed that we would never have to go through the heartbreak again. It was a beautiful dream. All of the plans that we had made. All of the adventures that we would go on together. All of the love that flowed so easily and effortlessly. 

I suppose that for nearly a year this was the calm. There was always something to look forward to. Our favorite place to be was next to him and it did not matter what we were doing. Never had I felt so overcome with love in my life. I wanted this to be our life forever. 

Until something changed. And I do not even know what changed. The last time we saw him everything was still as perfect as it had always been. As far as we knew, anyway. 

But I felt it. A little bit each day I felt it. And he would never say. He would only leave me to wonder and question my reality. To question my worth. Suddenly all of the love and loyalty in the world was not enough for him. That is all it had ever been since he stepped in to our lives, aware of the hurt that we had been through and dragged ourselves out of. I trusted him. I told the girls that it was safe to trust him. And we poured all of the love that we had into him.

But now it was 2:30am, and two little girls are clinging to me in my bed in this dark room. We have lost power. We are terrified by the sounds that we hear outside. The wind is so strong and so loud, like a train headed straight for our window. We hear trees breaking and falling and sounds that we cannot even begin to identify. Our ears are popping. The windows appear to be breathing. And there is nothing that we can do. We are alone. There is no comfort here. No safety. No security. No trust. Just me wrapping my arms around them and telling them we will be okay as they cry. But they have no reason to believe me. I had told them that they could put their faith in him. I had told them not to fear the night. I don't even believe myself. 

Morning comes. All around us we are surrounded by devastation. We view it all in a state of shock and confusion. We are still alone. I know that no one will be coming to put their arms around us. I know that the eye passed right over us and tore us into a billion pieces and left us with fear and broken hearts and damage that may never be repaired. I do not know how to clean this up and I know the days to come are certain to be full of sorrow. What is certain as that we will be doing it on our own. I do not know how to ever feel safe again. I do not think that I will ever trust anyone again when they say that nothing bad will happen. It had already taken a leap of faith to get here. I am sorry that I ever believed it to begin with. It was a beautiful dream. But now we are awake.

They said that nothing would happen. They never really mean it.